


Twin Souls

by sinisterkid92



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, Spoilers, Spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker, force pregnancy, if tros hurt is we heal us, set after tros, the rise of skywalker fix it fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21854713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinisterkid92/pseuds/sinisterkid92
Summary: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERSAfter the final battle Rey lives alone on Tatooine, finding herself pregnant and refusing to let go of the idea than Ben is gone. Rey goes on a journey to bring him back.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey
Comments: 16
Kudos: 276





	Twin Souls

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, spoilers DUH. 
> 
> I came home from seeing TROS and was like, most people, disappointed, sad, angry, all the adjectives. Decided I had to write something to cleanse myself and find peace. This is how I deal with heartbreak in fiction: making more fiction.
> 
> This is unbeata'd, written late at night. I'm sick, haven't slept in a while.... but I still hope this is something you find enjoyment in.... and maybe even some healing, like I did.

In the small space between the double rainbow she could see the x-wing making beeline towards her. Of course it was heading to her, nothing was around for miles and she had been quite content with that at first. Familiarity, even if it was inexplicable considering it was the thing she had yearned away from her entire childhood, was something she had ran towards. A desert planet, the place Luke had grown up. It did feel like a good place to start anew, to begin a life after everything.

Everything. It exhausted her to think of the events packet into everything. Maybe one day she would unpack it, box by box until she had confronted her past in its entirety. For now, she thought mourning was enough. Mourning for a future that almost was and could have been, if things had been just a little bit different. Not much, a few steps here or there, if she had been a little later or earlier, if she had stayed. 

She patted the head part of the droid she’d been fixing, dismissing it as it returned to work. She’d rebuilt a little, just enough to give her sleeping quarters and shelter from sandstorms. The structure was there, even if part of it had collapsed. Leia had told her the stories of what happened, the stories sat comfortably on her tongue of the far gone past, those memories had been told and re-told. Though Leia never spoke about being Ben’s mother, those were the stories she too had packed away hoping to one day sort through with more hope, more light. Leia never experienced that. Maybe Rey never would, either.

The x-wing landed not too far from the underground place she now called home. For now, at least. Through the glass she could already see the dark skin and wide smile of her friend as he opened the top and jumped out to meet her. 

“Hey, it’s so nice to see you,” he said as soon as his feet hit the ground.

“It’s only been like four weeks.” Despite herself, her smile was wide, because while she had yearned for the familiarity of the desert planet and the isolation from the galaxy, the frequent visits from her friend were something she also desperately needed. She wanted, some day, to find a place that was an inbetween of the desolate planets of Tatooine and Jakku, and the busy and cramped life on the rebel base. Right now she needed space, a lot of it, as she tried to map out what her life was going to become. 

“I think we have two different ideas of what _only_ is.” He hugged her tightly, his warm arms pulling her off the ground with a bone crunching hug. She liked this, him worrying about her and considering a four week period without her a long time. 

“Did you get what I asked for?” she asked as soon as he let go of her. 

“Geez girl, you don’t even ask how I’ve been, don’t tell me how you are, no it’s all about the stuff,” he ranted, and she knew it was only half in jest, as he walked back to the x-wing and pulled out a bag from within it. “Rose and Poe say hi, by the way.”

“Thank you, Finn.” She hugged the bag to her chest, the heavy weight of the parts she’d asked for mingled with a few other things, like the icy cream she’d had once during a recon mission almost a year ago. She could feel the chill of the container it had been locked inside to stay iced during the trip pressing against her stomach. “Really.” 

“It’s really no problem, I like having an excuse to come see you. You should have more cravings.” She laughed at him, liking how easy it was to find that place with him. Their friendship hadn’t been smooth sailing, and it wasn’t now either. They had disagreements, different points of views and different ways of expressing things. Sharing what they hoped would be a life-long friendship with each other meant sharing a life, and that was hard. Neither of them learnt about that growing up. Learning together with someone equally as clueless was equally freeing and frustrating.

“No, do not wish that into existence, I barely slept last night because I wanted this so bad. I’ve only had it once before, I don’t get it.” She had led him into her home and set the bag down on the table she’d built herself, fishing out the off-yellow container with a big smile of satisfaction on her face. “How is everyone?” she finally asked, procuring a spoon to eat the icy with. She would eat it with her hands but knew Finn was iffy about that sort of thing, especially when it came to foods like these. He’d grown up learning to eat with cutlery and strict table manners. In fact, he had very strange routines surrounding meals.

“Rose is good, she’s learning how to pilot now and she’s doing really well, and Poe is still working to dismantle the First Order. It’s a lot of politics, and making an attempt at forming some sort of galactic agreement again, things needed some freshening up.” He watched Rey dig into the icy, hesitating for a moment. “Jannah wants me to go with her to find our family, who they were, or are.” A momentary image of her own parents flash before her eyes, a sort of sunken regret and sadness without purpose in the pit of her stomach. 

“That’s great, really,” Rey said, earnestly. “You should, you should find out where your from, maybe there’s someone out there wanting to look for you, maybe they already are.” She had hope, after everything there was still so much hope in her that burst out in painful spikes. It did hurt to remain hopeful but she had to, no matter what she had to remain hopeful.

“Rey,” he said it in a way that meant he wanted her full attention. His was voice deep and intentional. “You shouldn’t have the baby alone, here… who knows what could happen? It’s not safe.” 

She swallowed. He rarely acknowledged the fact that she was pregnant, despite that she now has a small bump protruding between her hip bones and up to her navel. It wasn’t big and underneath the shawls she wore the bump could be hidden. Even if shown, it could be anything. If she couldn’t feel it, both the twinkling in the force and the soft taps and tickles of movements, she probably wouldn’t have thought much about the bump. She’d been eating more, exercising a bit less. There was no big battle coming up, no war to win but that against the weather. 

“Right now, this is where I need to be Finn.” Her throat constricted, there was something terrifying about going into the world with his child, about sharing her motherhood and his fatherhood with the world but with no family to hold onto. She was a storm at sea, and despite her found family she had lost her real one, she had lost one she’d found. The one person in the world who understood it all, who didn’t judge her for her demons. No, he loved her in part because of her demons. The whole of her. No one could ever do that again. No one could understand her like that. Not Finn, maybe especially not Finn. Growing up as a stormtrooper his view of life was still very black and white, reactionary. When he found out about the pregnancy, the conception and the force connection before that he’d not been happy. Now he accepted it because he loved his friend.

“What if something does happen, then, what would you do? It would take hours for me to get here, maybe days… not that I’d know what to do, but would you call for help?”

“That’s months away, Finn.” She closed the lid on the icy and activated the freezer function again, she’d save it for when she could enjoy it. “I will figure it out.” Truth being told she didn’t know what to expect, really. There had been a handful of women who’d been pregnant on Jakku and she had been there for a few births. It was enough for her to know where the baby would come out and that it would hurt, but there wasn’t much more she knew about it.

“We miss you, Rey,” he said after a moment's pause. 

She swallowed again, against the lump in her throat. “Please, Finn. I can’t come back, not after everything. I’m alive because of him and no one knows that he was a hero, a good guy. It hurts, it hurts so much to miss him and love him, and there’s all this love and… I can’t figure out how to live without him if I just have to ignore that I love him, or constantly defend him.” The hurt was a constant ache, an impossible figure looming around her and inside of her, dark shadows in every nook and cranny of her soul. It was the size of him inside of her. Massive. 

“Okay,” he nodded. “Just know that whenever, if you want to come back there’s no questions asked. Just come home.” She stood up to hug her friend, holding him close and tight for a long time. He was going on an adventure, she knew that, and that he was going away from her for a long time. 

“Go, Finn. You can’t let me hold you back, you have to find your family.” 

“You are my family, Rey.” His smile was soft and sweet, voice tender. 

“You’re mine too.” She matched his smile before burrowing her head in his chest. They both knew that this was the last time they’d see each other in a long time. Not four weeks, maybe it was months. He pressed a beacon in her hand, and a long-range holo in her other one. 

“If you need me….” More did not need to be said. 

When Finn vanished into space not long after, the double rainbow was gone, replaced by some mulling clouds. The rain was rare on Tatooine, perhaps a once a year occurrence, but when it did rain she sometimes feared that it would never stop, that it would fill the whole world up and take her with it. 

After the silhouette of the x-wing had vanished from the sky she looked over at the droids that worked the farm. There were moisture farmers on Jakku too, but there were far more on Tatooine. She wasn’t in it for the money, but she was already finding life more comfortable than it was on Jakku. It wasn’t as warm here, either, that was nice. In the night time it was just as cold as Jakku though. 

Beside her book lay the huge pile of books, ancient knowledge o be discovered. The answer must lay in there somewhere, to bring him back. 

No one is ever truly gone. 

He lived in her heart, her bones, her soul. Her body ached in the absence of him, knowing a piece in the world was missing. She carried his bloodline in her stomach, her body each day giving more and more signs of the events within her body.

She felt the glimmers inside of her when he gave her life back. When his life force entered her body, breathing life into her, it planted him in her too. At first she thought it was his hand, warm and steady against her abdomen. It was only later when the sensation did not abdicate and instead grew stronger, grew into something unique. 

Two souls, she knew that. Twins ran in the family, she supposed.

\----------

Though she had been warned that only the Sith did resurrections. Tricking nature was an inherently subversive thing which would leave ramifications in her soul and the one she restored. His soul. She was certain the books contained something forgotten, the text had remained untouched for thousands of years, and some knowledge fell out with time, pushed away with the change of norms and morals.

There had to be something. She had not seen his ghost, like she had Leia and Luke, that had to mean something. While the droids worked she read. She read as the babies inside of her started to kick and roll, as they squished together tight in the small space of her body. She read in the sand where Luke Skywalker once stood, in the candle light at the table after the sun had set. She absorbed wisdom of people from many years ago, absorbed stories of heroes come and gone. 

Dyads, she read about that too. That’s where she knew there was hope. Dyads could share life, not give or receive it. He was in her, not just the babies but he was there too. In her heart in her breath in her lungs. She needed to bring him out, that was all. Not back to life because was already there. 

She wasn’t alone, he hadn’t left her. He was still there in her, in the blood in her veins and in the oxygen in her and their babies bloodstreams. They could not give wholeheartedly, nor receive in full, only share it all. 

When she came across it in the texts one of the babies kicked hard enough to press against the palm of her hand that rested on her stomach. A sign, she knew, from him. Keep going, he said, don’t stop.

She wouldn’t. Not until he stood in front of her again. Real. She’d become accustomed to him through their bond. It wasn’t as intense as it was before he killed Snoke, but sometimes he was there and his presence was undeniable. They never spoke, not until they needed to, when Palpatine was returning. Was it the force, or was it their doing? Did they unconsciously connect, their bond pushing them to the realization that they were too stubborn to realize?

No, she knew. She knew for a long time that she loved Ben. It was inexplicable and unreasonable, but it was love unlike any other force she’d come across. Was it love that pushed them together?

Was it love that would bring him back?

 _Come back!_ the crying child inside of her screamed. She didn’t want to be alone. She had her children, she’d never be alone again, but it was different. That love was something other, powerful in its own but it wasn’t the wholeness that he created inside of her. His life was in her yet she was without him. 

Love, she read about it too. The romance of yore, between jedis and others, and the chaos they created. Once, jedi loved like everyone else, until one day the hammer slammed down and forbade it, claiming it led to the dark side. Let go of everything, like Ben had wanted her to do before. Start anew with no ties to anything, except him. 

She needed ties, she needed to be secured down by the people around her. She needed the connection. She needed to be made human and feeling human. She needed him. No one else. She never needed anyone like she needed him, not even her parents. Her whole life she’d longed for them but it was him all along. She had been longing for him.

It was almost seven lunar months until she found what she had to do. Despite every instinct telling her not to, she returned to the place where he vanished. It was cumbersome with the belly, she wasn’t going to lie, but at least she didn’t have to climb anything. Moisture farming kept her active and busy, always on her feet, there was always a droid to fix, a machine that was malfunctioning, or the day to day work of restoring the house to something she could live with her children. And him. She made space for him too, refusing to accept that he was gone. She didn’t feel him leave, not like she felt Leia or Luke. He was different, more hollow.

Despite the months passing his clothes lay in the same place. There were no winds, nothing on this planet anymore but a grey cloud above and that hung heavy. The Sith were gone, there was no energy left of them here, nothing she could sense. 

Seeing the black clothes on the ground, the ones where he looked like Ben in and not Kylo. The ones where he’d fought to get to her, fought and died for her -- no, not died, he was still there. He was inside her. 

Her hands rested against the fabric, cold now. He had been so warm when they kissed, warmer than she’d ever imagined another human to be. She had wanted to melt into him and become part of him when he collapsed. When he was gone. 

She steadied her breath, trying to warn the tears away. Lately she’d been crying more, like bent antennas on the droids and because she had to wear shoes outside. She blamed pregnancy. 

She had to focus on this. On him.

She felt for him, reached out to him like she reached out to the jedis of the past when she defeated Palpatine. 

“Ben,” she whispered, to hear his voice, to focus herself but also focus his energy. This wasn’t something she could practice, it was doing or not doing it. She had no trial runs. Her hands vibrated as they did when she healed, life flowing out of them and into the energy of this place. She focused on him, on them, on the signature of him growing stronger, being pulled from deep within her, a tight rope with more and more tension until it snapped. 

There underneath her fingertips she felt him. Her eyes were closed but her fingers found firm muscles. Her eyes fluttered open to lock with his. 

“Rey, what did you do?” His voice was shaking, looking around to take in the place he thought he died in. “Please tell me you didn’t…”

She shook her head. “No,” tears spilled down her cheeks. “The ancient jedi texts had something good in them, after all.” She laughed, because she couldn’t do anything but laugh when she saw his face. “We share life, we do not take it or give it. The two of us, we’re stuck together.”

His lips pressed against hers before she could react, hot and soft and gentle while insistent. Her whole being vibrated with him near her again. She feared she’d collapse when she saw him again but she hadn’t felt this strong.

“Ben, I have something to tell you,” she said once their lips broke apart, his hands still holding her face. “When you saved me… we’re going to be parents.”

\------

The suns were setting over the desert as Rey walked out to meet up with her husband as he stood on the dunes. She passed him a cup of soup, leaning against his shoulder as they looked down at the two children using a scrap piece of metal to slide down the dunes.

“Jane, Lars,” she called out to get their attention. “Bed time soon so only two more goes.” The two children looked at each other and then their parents, as if trying to decide if they should rebel or follow the rules tonight. 

“Two more,” Ben added, seeing the spark in his daughter’s eyes. The children acquiesced, sprinting up the dunes again to get another go down. He looked down at her, a mirthful smile on his face. “Two more?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, one maybe,” she said. He pulled her against him, leaning her against his chest as they watched their four year olds play. “Then we’ll go from there.”

“One.” The sigh rumbled in his chest, she could feel it against her. “Now?” She peeked up at him, she was hopeless to his smile and charm. 

“Fine,” she said with a laugh, and once again looked down at her children playing. Ben was vibrating with happiness behind her, being a father was the best thing he knew. Having children who had no force sensitivity was also a relief, because they knew that their children wouldn’t have to carry that burden. Their family had earned their peace.


End file.
